"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." — Psalm 51:6
Why do good Christians fall? Why do some surveys put pornography use among Christian men as high as 61%? Why is the incidence of moral failure as high (or higher) among pastors as it is among parishioners? Why are so many Christians trapped in Romans 7, in a sin-confess-sin-confess cycle that won’t let them go?
Some time ago I met with a man — I’ll call him Jim — who had been trapped in an adulterous affair. Jim had been a good Christian husband and father. He was a leader in his church and in his community. But he fell into sin.
Now everybody around him was busy telling him how rotten he was. "You are a sex addict." "You are in denial." "You need to take responsibility for your actions." "You can’t be trusted." And so on.
As Jim told me about this, I suspected that these admonitions, while well meaning, were only aggravating the real problem.
When I met with Jim, I took a different approach. I asked him, "How did it feel when these Christian leaders told you that you couldn’t be trusted?" It wasn’t long before we got to feelings of shame and fear. (Yes, there was true guilt about his sin, but that had been dealt with. The leftover feeling was false shame.)
Why did I ask him how he felt?
Many people believe that feelings are irrelevant. But if you are ignoring feelings in your ministry, you are missing huge opportunities for God. Emotions reveal deep-down, gut-level beliefs. Emotions are not a reliable guide to right and wrong; the right thing to do is the right thing to do whether we feel like it or not. But emotions are a reliable guide to what is going on inside us. And if we want to change, we need to get real about what’s inside.
I asked Jim how long these feelings had been a part of his life. Pretty soon he was in memories of the abuse he received at the hands of his father.
Why bother with memories?
Because memories are an important part of who we are. Most of the lies we believe deep down are connected to memories where these lies were implanted.
We kept inviting Jesus into all of this: the adultery, the shame, the fear, the memories. As we did this, sometimes there were sins to confess. Sometimes there was anger to give to the Lord. Sometimes there were offenses against Jim that needed to be forgiven. But mostly, Jim just needed to experience the love of Christ. He often sat in my office for fifteen, twenty minutes at a time, just basking in the love of Christ, communicated directly from God’s Spirit to the damaged places in Jim’s soul.
What was the outcome? The "other woman" lost her attraction in Jim’s life. Jim had new compassion, respect and love for his wife, as well as for the "counselors" who had berated him. Although it took time to restore Jim’s marriage and his life, God met with him in these few one-hour prayer sessions and repaired damage in his heart.
Be encouraged!
Dwight
What happens when you partner with Dwight Clough Ministries?
Victims of violent crimes and survivors of abuse are finding peace,
wholeness, the power to forgive and the strength to set boundaries.
Those ensnared by addictions are finding freedom. Marriages are being
restored. Families are strengthened. Christian brothers and sisters in
restricted lands who face persecution are finding strength and
encouragement. Young believers are learning how to walk with the Lord,
and people are coming into the faith for the first time. None of this
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partner with you, with other ministries, and, most significantly, with
the Lord. That’s how the supernatural happens.
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