Honor your father … — Exodus 20:12
I don’t know about you, but I had to grow into this command of honoring my father. I was terrified of him as a child. I could never understand other kids who wanted to spend more time with their dads — I wanted to avoid mine at all costs. For four and a half years spread out over three occasions during my childhood, my dad was away from home on military assignments. Those times gave me space to breathe. At least then I only needed to be afraid when I was at school. I hated my dad, but I needed him, because he was the only one in my world strong enough to protect me from everything else I was terrified of. It was a strange relationship.
When I was in my twenties, I worked up the courage to tell my dad that I grew up afraid of him. He was stunned. He had no idea. He saw our childhood as idyllic. And, compared to his, it was.
It took a long time before I began to put together the pieces of the puzzle. My dad was flawed — yes. But as life unfolded, I began to see many of his flaws in myself. And I began to recognize my dad’s extraordinary courage. Nobody ever gave my dad any coaching, mentoring or encouragement. He had to stand alone, and that’s how he learned to live his whole life. He did what he thought was right even when he had to buck the crowd to do it.
My dad made some terrible mistakes that left pain in other lives. But, especially toward the end, he began to mellow. I saw him cry — not once, but many times, hurting for his family and for his own very deep wounds. I saw a gentle side to him that I never knew was there. One day we were talking, and he said to me, "Just a minute; I need to do something." He stepped away from me to help an elderly woman in a wheelchair.
In the last few days of his life, he taught me how to pray. My mom had cancer and I was trying to come up with the best prayer I could for her. But when it came his turn, no words came out. Only sobs from a broken heart.
Now that he’s been gone for nine years, I compare myself to my dad and come up short. As a provider, as a generous man, as a sacrificial giver of time and money, as a man who stood unshakable no matter which way the wind blew, I stand in his shadow.
So folks, I’m still figuring this out. But I want to pause and honor my dad, and the God who had the wisdom to put him in my life.
Be encouraged!
Dwight
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